２０２６

Group Exhibition/グループ展“言葉で見えてくる背、言葉で見えなくなる魚の体”“The One That Got Away”


English explanation after Japanese.

　自分の人生についていつも考えてしまう。常にどうやって自分はこれから生きていこうかなと考える。人生がどうなっているのかは分からない。分からないけれど気づいたら私は人生をやっていた。何かを考えるよりまず人生がわからない。けれど人生は生活なので、ただただ体を動かし続ける。
　もうすでに人生をやっているのだから、人生についていちいち頭で考える暇もない。ただ直感か経験かでとにかく身体を動かしていくしかない。とりあえず、自分らしく体を動かしていく。どうやって自分がここまで来たのか、そのやり方が分からない。あの時はたまたま偶然が偶然を作ってまた偶然によってできた偶然と重なってくれたから何とかいけたのだ。しかし次はどうなるか分からない。分からないなりに生きていたから、この次はどう生きたらいいのか分からなくなるんだ。でもとりあえずやるという感じで生きている。
　どうして自分が予定したわけでもないのに、自分が前から考えていたわけでもないのに、今自分はこうなっているのかな。一体何が、私を作り上げているのだろう。一体何が、私を制作しているのだろう。どんなことを理解して、どんな制作の仕方と考えを持って作っているのだろう。そのような、はっきりとした理解と無駄のない動きを、生きていて感じることができる。生きていると、自分が説明できるかは別として、はっきりとした理解がちゃんと有るのだと分かる。

I find myself constantly thinking about my own life. I am always wondering how I should live from here on. I do not know what life really is or how it works. And yet, before I even realized it, I was already living it.

Before I can think about what life is, I am already in it. Life is simply everyday living, so I have no choice but to keep moving my body, day after day. I am already doing life. I am already in the middle of it. There is no time to step outside of life and think about it as if it were something separate from me. I can only keep moving, guided by instinct, experience, or whatever I happen to sense in the moment. So, for now, I simply keep moving in my own way.

I do not really know how I have made it this far. I do not know what way of living brought me here. Looking back, it feels as though one coincidence somehow led to another,  and that coincidence happened to overlap with yet another coincidence. Somehow, those coincidences kept coming together and allowed me to keep going. But I do not know what will happen next. Because I have been living without knowing, I sometimes reach a point where I no longer know how to live from here. Even so, I just keep going.

I wonder: Why have I become who I am now, even though I did not plan to become this person? Why have I ended up here, even though I had never consciously imagined this before? What, exactly, is creating me? What does it understand, and how does it think and make as it creates me?

When I am living, I can sometimes sense something very clear beneath all of this. It is not that I understand exactly what it is. Rather, I become aware that there is a clear understanding there, even though I cannot grasp what that understanding is. I can feel that there is a precise understanding there, and that my movements are not as arbitrary as they may appear. Living makes me realize that my life itself has a kind of consciousness of its own, separate from me.